We are drowning

This past week has been pretty difficult to say the least. On Thursday evening Nov 5th, news broke about the new "policy " regarding same sex couples and their children.I understand that the media can sensationalize things, SO at first I thought maybe it was some kind of Hoax. Sadly it was not.

 Clarification has come  that did ease some of the damage of the policy , In that those who already are "on the path" may continue. They will not have those things taken away from them. It also says that if their "primary residence " is not with the Gay family member then they are ok as well, But they have to disavow, 
( to disclaim knowledge of, connection with, or responsibility for; disown;) that parents relationship. They will never even be allowed to ever live with them.All others will have to wait until they are 18, and then they still have to disavow the practice of Same sex marriage,( the relationship) and may not ever reside with that parent. Which in some countries will be very difficult, as it is very common for children to live with their family well into their adult years.

Surely seems as if we are trying to destroy a family relationship.

We are drowning

We get that they are now drawing the line in the sand that same sex marriage is a grievous sin, but to extend that to their children? If they are a straight young man or woman, I don't think they are going to have any temptation to enter a same sex marriage, so they would not be participating in that sin.It should be just like anything else. They know the word of Wisdom, they know they should be honest in their dealings, They know the law of chastity, and they agree to follow those commandments. SO why must they "disavow" this particular sin.

So if a heterosexual parent is , embezzling, committing crimes of any kind, maybe involved in pornography, thefts, Infidelity or any "other sin" that is ok, The children are still perfectly fine to live with that parent, and enjoy the blessings of the gospel.?



IT clearly does not seem as if this is a fair and loving policy. It has shaken many of us parents, and even some who have no specific ties to the LGBT community , to our very core. As we have posted comments and articles asking for love and compassion, expressing our hurt and concern, many of us are being hit with Judgments and scorn.

Comments such as "why don't you just leave the church"

or "This is the sifting of the Wheat and the Tares" 

 and "this is like the separating of the  sheep and the goats"

"You just need to have faith and follow the leaders." Or even comments such as " I know it came from God, not the old guys who lead us" as If we had said something like that.

We are drowning ,

We need a life preserver, not someone to send us messages that we aren't doing it right, or someone to stand above as as we sink and yell to us things like"You shouldn't get so close to that"






This for many of us has sent us right back to that very difficult time when our lives were turned upside down as we discovered that one of our family members was gay.That little bubble so many of us live in was burst, and we were left drowning in the midst of despair.

 The pattern to follow , the perfect picture of the Mormon family was gone.

Hope faded. Tears and anger set in.  We had to reevaluate everything we had thought 

What did this mean for them ? for us as a family?

But we held on to hope that somehow this would be made right, That there would be a space for them in the gospel. Surely a loving Heavenly Father would not set his children up for failure.

How could the church we know and love, who teaches all about love and family , turn its back on a whole population of Gods children?  The tears just continue to flow as  we go about our daily tasks and try to make sense of it all. We struggle to walk into our church buildings only to be met with Silence, and rhetoric about how we need to "Stand tall, have courage to stand up against the evils of the world " 

That is my child you are calling evil. 

Can you not see how painful that is? He is not evil . He is a very kind and loving person. He is a hard worker and does his best to try and help those around him. To further the pain, its not even just about him.

 It is the many other LGBT people that I know and Love you are talking about. These individuals have to deal with more than you could ever imagine at the hands of others who want to judge and discard them. Have you had to sit with a mother after her child has committed suicide because of the bullying he has experienced? Have you had to worry for hours when you cannot reach someone you know is in total despair and might take his life. Have you sat and listened to a woman talk about feeling so alone and isolated because the church she loves and served a mission for now calls her an apostate just because she loves another woman? The pain and grief is real. Those of us on the front lines are losing the hope that we carried to help lift them up. When will we too be discarded and called apostates for loving and supporting our LGBT friends and family?

And now that hope is all but gone. We feel abandoned, we feel alone. We grieve for our children and family members whom this is devastating to.We grieve for those whom we have met along our journey, men, women , mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children of God , who are now very clearly getting the message  that there is no place for you here. There is no place for your children and grandchildren.

Yes, I have watched the video by Elder Christofferson stating it is in the best interest of the children, Does that really make sense to you? In some cases I'm sure it might apply.  

This is what the Savior taught 

Luke 18:16 Jesus said Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not.




3 Nephi 18:32 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues , or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them.




Luke 9 Teaches us a powerful lesson about what the Lord expects of us when others don't act they way we think they should . When James and John suggest that they bring fire down on the Samaritans who did not receive them well, HE offers this counsel..

But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.


For the Son of man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them. 

Are they really trying to save them, or are they destroying them?

Haven't we been taught to leave the 99 to seek for the one?

Why are we so quick to discard these individuals who have been born with Same sex attraction?

Take a walk in their shoes for a day. Could you live your life never having the companionship of a spouse? Never being able to even go on a date with someone you find interesting? worrying about being fired from your job or thrown out of your living quarters. OR how about even thrown out of your school?  Always having in the back of your mind that you are not worthy, you are defective at best, deviant at worst?

They are in every essence being "thrown out of the boat."

Why as Christians do we feel it is our duty and our right to Point out the faults of those around us?

To make ourselves feel better because their sins our worse than ours?

None of us are perfect. We all have struggles and challenges, We should be helping each other through those difficult times. We are already hurting and yet when we turn to the place that should offer refuge and comfort from the storms, we are battered and tossed about , or shunned.

Can you just mourn with us? Can you share our pain without judgment about our relationship with God? Can we cry on your shoulder? Can you be more careful about your rhetoric when you teach in church? Can you find a way to listen and try to understand?

From a post by Julie De Azevedo Hanks

To my fellow LDS friends...If someone comes to you for support and shares their hurt, sadness, confusion, anger about the recent LDS policy changes may I suggest some things to keep in mind?

1) Just Listen
Don't explain, preach, justify, quote scriptures, pontificate. Just nod your head, try to feel what they are feeling, and non-verbally show that you are engaged.
2) Empathize With Their Emotion
Even if you don't feel the same way or you don't understand why they are feeling the way they do, empathize and reflect back what they are sharing.
3) Don't Frame their Pain as a Lack of Faith
Avoid judgement, blame, shaming, or directive statements like, "If you would just..." or "I thought you had more faith than this" or "You should just..."
4) Acknowledge the Unanswered Questions
It's OK to say that you don't know. Validate the complexity and confusion associated with the situation.
5) Express Your Love
The condescending "bless your heart" pity-love won't work. Look him/her in the eye and share your love for her/him and your faith in the Savior.

Yes, many are resigning and walking away, but many are also staying.
Why you ask?


Because we love our Heavenly Father,

We love our Savior Jesus Christ.

We have testimonies ( although shaken a bit)

It is our church too, and just because we have questions and doubts, it does not negate all the things we do know.

WE feel it a responsibility and duty to follow our baptismal covenants , To bear one anothers burdens, Mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort .

Many of us are mothers,   biologically and spiritually,  to some very precious souls who need us now more than ever.and will stand up for them.

If I can make a difference for even one soul to hang on and fight another day. I will be safe in knowing my Heavenly Father is pleased with me.

The first and great commandment is to Love the Lord they God with all thy heart might mind and strength, and the second is like unto it. Love thy neighbor as thyself.

 Pres. Spencer W Kimball stated. "God does notice us, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

This fulfills both of those commandments. When we Love God , we serve and help others.

We don't belittle them. We don't discard them or turn them away. We think about the things we say and do and how that might hurt someone else.


D&C 137:9 For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.


Not one of us can really know the desire of anothers heart .

Leave it to God.

 Just LOVE THEM!




Just love us! 

Reach out a hand to help those who are drowning in despair right now over the loss of hopes and dreams and blessings. You don't have to agree or understand, but you can offer empathy and compassion. We gain empathy when we truly seek to understand someone elses position. And remember just because you don't think you know anyone who is affected by this, you probably are wrong.

I find comfort in the words of Alma to his son Helaman in chapter 36

And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

I am counting on this.

The tapestry of Life

Life can seem messy at times . Sometimes I even feel like things are just falling apart. I can't understand why God has given me this particular challenge. As I look back over my 47 years of life, I can see many times that there were threads being woven that I just thought were so out of place. I questioned whether God knew what he was doing and If I could really get through this. 

This image comes from a poem of unknown origin that was popularized by Corrie Ten Boom (author of The Hiding Place). Here it is:

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

I had the opportunity to watch for the second time the Movie Do you Believe ( see trailer Here)

 It is one of the best and most profound movies I have seen in a long time. IT follows the lives of 12 people and their journey to find the Savior. In the end it talks about this tapestry that God is weaving.
On this side of heaven, though, we stand behind the tapestry and usually see only the knotted ends and frayed edges of what God is doing. If we could get “on the other side” of the tapestry, we could see God doing something beautiful, but we live on the underside with painful circumstances and God’s purposes unclear.
WE doubt and question if that is really how it should be.

As I think back to February of 2011 when our son Tyler came out to us as Gay, I totally thought that I had fallen into the twilight zone. How does a Mormon family end up with a gay son? Tyler was such a sweet, loving, helpful, and all around good kid. How could he possibly be gay? Those threads being woven into my tapestry and His for that matter seemed so out of place.

 How could this possibly be what our Heavenly Father wanted for our family?

 Now 4 + years later I still don't completely understand, but I am beginning to see that picture more clearly. Our tapestry has taken on a beautiful thread and quality that never would have been there otherwise. The same is true with our 2 girls we adopted. The challenges some days seem insurmountable, but I cannot imagine our lives without these two extra princesses in our family.


Our job is to learn to trust the master weaver. To trust in his divine role of creator . One day we will be able to see the masterpiece that he has created,
but for now we must learn to just trust.
I am sure that one day when we can see the " other side" and we see each different thread and the detail and accents that it adds to the tapestry,
it will all make sense.

The face in the mirror

As I studied for a lesson I had to teach, I came across passages that brought new understanding to me. I guess there is a reason why we are to study and ponder over and over. many times passages I have read will all of the sudden provide new insight .

The lesson was about taking upon ourselves the name of Christ.  It is becoming more of a problem these days that many seem to "profess with their words that they are Christians, and that they are doing it all right , yet their actions speak otherwise. Do our actions bring people closer to Christ or farther away? Do our actions reflect the love of our Savior? .... or something else?

How about the way we talk or the way we dress?

How about our business dealings?
Would our clients or coworkers be surprised to know we were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?

The color of our skin or our orientation should not be a deciding factor on how we are treating others.

We are all Gods children

In a story told In Luke chapter 9 starting in vs 53 , the Savior had sent the apostles James and John into Samaria  to make preparations for him. History tells us that the Jews and the Samaritans do not get along ( hence a previous post of the good Samaritan) here. They recognized that he was a Jew and therefore were not accepting of him. James and John being upset about this asked the Lord "if they should send down fire to consume them. "

Now here is the important part.. The lord chastised James and John. HE expected more of them.

HE told them"Ye  know not of what spirit ye are of." Meaning they are allowing the spirit of contention and not the spirit of Love.
Then in vs. 56 For the Son of man is not come to destroy Mens lives but to save them.

Were the Samaritans being rude? probably. Should they have been more loving and Kind? Sure, but the Savior expected his disciples to be the bigger person, to be the good example. Thus the chastisement.
We too as Disciples of Christ are expected to be the bigger person. To be a good example in word and in deed.  To lift others , not destroy.
We are here to help save lives.   We are here to help each other on our journeys.

In D&C 137:9 The Lord further clarifies judgement for us.
For I the lord will judge men according to their works, according to the desires of their hearts.

We can never truly know the desires of anothers heart. Only the Savior knows, and that is how we will be judged.
Why is it we feel as if  everyone should fit into this tiny little box in order to be accepted by our Heavenly Father?  I believe he is way more merciful and understanding than we give him credit for.
HE loves ALL of his children and he has a plan for all of them. Sometimes it is through another person that he meets our needs. 

Do we not have enough things in our own lives to worry about that we feel the need to point out all the flaws we see in another? 
Are we quick to turn our backs on those who come into our circle and say" You do not belong here?"

Are we so busy with the "things" of this world that we don't take the time to look around and see who may be struggling along their path  that we could help. 

Are we teaching our children to be less understanding and accepting because of the things they see us say and do? 
What kind of example are we? 
When you see your reflection what does it reflect   ? What do others see?  
Do they see Love? 
Kindness? 
Compassion? 

I hope that we can all try and learn from the Savior . To gain a greater understanding of what he expects of us, and what he doesn't. 
Each morning and night as we look in the mirror may we reflect on the countenance that we show.

Because I believe

I would not consider myself a writer, but I do find this is a good way to Journal( of sorts) and share my thoughts however jumbled they may be.  I have thought a lot lately about WHY  I do what I do. With the SCOTUS decision and subsequent  fallout, it gives me pause to think. 

What do I want people to remember me for?
 a Good mom, a good friend .
 A loving wife. A teacher, a helper,
a good friend.
 That I was a follower of Christ.
That I was kind

Kindness has many synonyms—love, service, charity. But I like the word kindness because it implies action. It seems like something you and I can do. Kindness can be shown in so many ways.

Some of my favorite examples of kindness come from what Jesus did. He spent his ministry searching for the weary, the sick, the poor, and the lonely, that he might show kindness toward them.

The book of Mark in the New Testament tells us of the Savior’s kind attention to a young girl. Her father was the ruler of the synagogue where Jesus was teaching. Word came to the ruler: “Thy daughter is dead.” (Mark 5:35.) Jesus consoled the father: “Be not afraid, only believe.” (Mark 5:36.) The Savior went hastily to the bedside of the girl and said, “Damsel, I say unto thee, arise.

“And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.” (Mark 5:41–42.) And beyond this great miracle, he continued to show his concern by instructing that something should be given to her to eat.

At the Pool of Bethesda , he sought out those who desperately needed him.

There are so many things that I don't have the answers to, but clearly Christ has given me the formula for what he expects of me in relation to others. 

Because I believe,  I have fostered 43 children 2 of whom We have adopted. 

Because I believe,  I attend Church for 3 hours each week and spend time outside of that preparing and serving in my calling as , a JUST SERVE committee member, and Ward choir director .

( which as a side note is a great exercise in patience and long-suffering.) It is very difficult to have a responsibility that is so dependent on others supporting you . 

Because I believe ,  I  volunteer with a program called E-soccer , which provides opportunities for children with special needs to be able to be a part of a soccer team.

Because I believe ,  I volunteer with the Foster parent Champion program to help other foster families and children in our community. 

Because I believe , I help many families at Christmas time to experience a little joy and wonder.

Because I believe ,  I am a member of Mormons Building Bridges and organize a group here in Las Vegas who marches in the pride parade  to show our love and acceptance for the LGBTQ community . It does not mean I may understand or even accept everything they do, but I can show love to them for the Child of God that they are. 

I do not say these things to boast or pat myself on the back. It is merely a realization that as I have followed my heart and the spirit in my life it has naturally lead me to be a partner with my Savior here in this life to help those around me. 

"Many times it is through another person that HE meets our needs."

 There are some who look at some of these activities and find fault with what I do. 

"How can you take your family down there and participate in those awful PRIDE festivities? " 

"You are going to lose your temple recommend for that?" Those people just choose that lifestyle and they will never be happy."  

And of course there are some who don't SAY anything it is just the awkward silence and distance .

I do it because I BELIEVE That is what the Savior expects of me. 

Three years ago when we learned that our son Tyler was gay I had to rethink all of my preconceived notions and ideals about WHAT and WHO gay people were. I was never mean to them , but I clearly was not loving or accepting  to them either. I had to re-examine everything I believed . I realized Tyler did not CHOOSE this, he did not want to be treated differently.He did not wish his life to be turned upside down and send him on a path that was so different from everything he had been taught growing up in the Mormon church. He was the same great kid he had always been, we just now knew a little bit more about him. And if he was this wonderful person who was gay, I bet all those others were just as wonderful too. As I got to know them and learn of their pain and struggles , my heart began to change and I felt a great desire to be there for them. Especially those who had been disowned by their own families. IF I could be instrumental in saving just one life because I was kind , then that is what I would do. The judgement I have faced is nothing compared to the judgement that these individuals face on almost a daily basis. I have many others who now call me mom ( some older than myself.) they know they can talk to me and tell me anything from the small little triumphs of their day to their deepest darkest despairs . They know that they are not alone and that someone cares for them. There are many moms just like me out there trying to make a difference for these individuals who are cast aside by so many.

We all make choices everyday and those are largely based on our belief system. 

Because I believe that exercise is good, I go to the gym to workout, etc etc. 

Many of us profess to believe in Christ yet our actions and words may not always convey that. 

These things might not be what you feel impressed or lead to do, maybe it is helping at your childs school, maybe it is volunteering at some other organization in your community. whatever it is, The savior expects us to reach out and be of service.

 HE expects us to be examples of loving and caring. In our baptismal covenant we promise to "mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and bear one anothers burdens" 

President Ezra Taft Benson tells us that a person who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others, is considerate of others’ feelings, is courteous in his or her behavior, and has a helpful nature. He goes on to say, “Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. Kindness is extended to all—to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high.” 

Sophocles, a great philosopher, said, “Kindness is ever the begetter of kindness.” I remember some simple mottoes of kindness from my youth, such as “I will always try to do and say the kindest things in the kindest way.”

Following is a poem which gives light to the subject: 

I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody’s need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind.

The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.” On the contrary, many Church leaders have spoken clearly about the love and respect with which all people are to be treated. Former Church president Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) told members who are attracted to the same sex: “Our hearts reach out to [you]. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, we regard you as our brothers and sisters.” President Boyd K. Packer affirmed, “We do not reject you. … We cannot reject you. … We will not reject you, because we love you.”

That being said, I cannot help but be grateful for the Privilege extended to all of these precious souls who just want to be in a loving committed relationship with someone they love.That they can be afforded the same rights under the law as you and I take for granted. I have a hard time believing that the Loving Heavenly Father I know expects these children of his to live a life of loneliness and isolation. To never be allowed the opportunity to share those sweet moments that come in the quiet moments we share with our spouses.To never hold hands, and hug that special someone.

 To be told that "in the next life you won't have to worry about that. It will all be made right"  Then we wonder why so many take their lives because their only hope is that it will "all be better in the next life"  It doesn't make sense. and For now we don't have those answers.

 But I KNOW that the Lord loves ALL of his children, and he wants ALL of them to have joy.

HE wants ALL of them to return to him.  He has a plan for ALL of his children.

In D&C 137:9  For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

 This is something only the Lord can Judge. We do not know the desires of their heart. 

No act of kindness is ever wasted. You cannot do a kindness too soon.

 Acting kindly can change the giver and the receiver for good. I do not write this to find fault with you. That is between you and the Savior. I am merely expressing my beliefs and my motives for Why I do what I do, and maybe it will strike a chord with you . That you can look at the WHY in your life. Maybe you will not change anything, or maybe you will do some things different.
Maybe if you live in Vegas you will come join us on Sept 18th as we march in the pride parade and you can feel the spirit that exists there as you go about your Fathers business to show love and kindness to a few of his precious children who have felt belittled, ostracized and cast out.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is based on love, respect and agency. Mormons believe that all humans have inherited strengths, weaknesses, challenges and blessings and are invited to live, through the help and grace of God, the principles revealed by Jesus Christ. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints maintains that “God’s universal fatherhood and love charges each of us with an innate and reverent acknowledgment of our shared human dignity. We are to love one another. We are to treat each other with respect as brothers and sisters and fellow children of God, no matter how much we may differ from one another.”http://mormonsandgays.org/

I am surely not perfect and I have many faults, but each day I strive to do my best and to Live worthy to have the spirit in my life so that I can be lead .

I Know that judgments will come from many again as I am vocal about these things, but Because I Believe,  I will continue to do as I feel prompted by my Savior.

To show Love whenever and wherever I can. 

Are we really Christians?

So with all the talk in the news lately about Bruce Jenner, and the Supreme court decision on gay marriage. It makes me sad that it seems to bring out the worst in people. Especially people who profess to be Christians.

The definition of Christian

adj ..1. Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.


2. Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus's teachings.


3. Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus, especially in showing concern for others.


4. Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents.


n.


1. One who professes belief in Jesus as Christ or follows a religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.


2. One who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.











I am afraid many of us are not truly Christians if you look at our actions.We talk the talk but don't walk the walk.

Since when does Agency only apply to those who agree with us? As a Mormon we have 13 articles of Faith that pretty well sum up our beliefs. The 11th articles states " We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege,let them worship how, where, or what they may" the 12th states" We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates,in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law." In these 2 brief statements of what we believe, gives us some guiding principles to follow. Christ gave us the perfect example ,and as Christians shouldn't that be who we emulate? I have taught my children to ask that question" WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? "
Do you think he would be making fun of Bruce Jenner , one of his children? Do you think he would be calling people who are in a Same sex marriage Counterfeit? Do you think he would refuse to provide a service to you because of Who you are? Christ taught us to LOVE. HE taught us not to condemn. Christ taught that "Adam fell that men might be and Men are that they might have Joy" HE wants all of his children to experience Joy . What Joy is there in being alone, isolated, some even hiding who they are because of persecution and bias. Yes, we all want our freedoms, but why must you use your freedom to discriminate against someone else?


Mother Theresa stated " If you judge someone you have no time to Love them"
As a foster mother I have had people make a snap judgement of me because they saw me with children of many different races calling me mom. I have heard people say the mean and nasty things about those who "chose to live the GAY lifestyle" What lifestyle is that?? Working, paying bills, going to the movies,volunteering their time, wanting a family. Isn't that just like yours?? My son is Gay .. That is just a very small part of WHO he is is. HE is a child of God, with an amazing ability to be a peacemaker, HE is a gifted Dancer and musician. His voice melts my heart when he sings. He is a hard worker and honest employee. Why do none of those things matter?? So many LGBTQ people take their lives because living a lie or being treated as "less than" is too painful. I am sure Christ weeps as he watches how we are treating these individuals and many times even their family who support them.

Most of us will never have to worry about which bathroom will we be allowed to use. WE don't have to worry about being fired from our job if they find out "who" we are. WE don't have to worry about being beaten up and ridiculed. We can go and marry whom ever we choose.  Stop for a moment and try to imagine life in their shoes, and maybe you can see Christ letting you know there is a better way to treat them. Love is always the answer.‪#‎loveistheanswer‬
‪#‎Mormonsbuildingbridges‬ ‪#‎areyoureallychristian‬