Can you feel it?

Have you ever really stopped to think about how someone else feels about something? 

I mean really?

WE encounter people frequently who seem to be rude , or angry, or sad, or maybe a little strange, and we pass judgement about them and move on. Never pausing to think about what might actually be going on in their life.

Brene' Brown  has several books on the subject, but this video will give you a brief but powerful lesson on Empathy

Empathy by Brene' Brown

Empathy Fuels connection, while sympathy drives disconnection. 

On my Journey of learning I have a gay son, I have learned a lot about empathy. Now I thought I was a pretty empathetic and compassionate person before , but There was so much for me to learn and discover. It really takes practice. 

If I just feel bad ( sympathy) that someone feels left out, or picked on,sad, or angry, there is no way for me to connect with them. They do not feel validated or heard. They will never feel as if I

 really care. 

But when I can try and understand where they are coming from. Try and put myself in their shoes.

WE can find a common ground. I  can begin to "FEEL " what they are feeling. 

With so much happening in the world right now with racial tensions and people "picking sides " for one thing or another, we can never come to a peaceful understanding. 

What I have also learned is that having empathy can be very painful. As I said before I thought I was a pretty compassionate person. I will bring you a meal, send you a card, run some errands whatever you need. Sometimes what they need is just someone to listen. Someone to understand. You don't 

have to agree with them, or even completely "get it"  to have empathy. 

I love this quote by Mother Theresa " if you are judging someone, you have no time to love them"

  

Now for those who don't know me, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormon as some know it. 

When I was baptized I made a promise to take upon my self the name of Jesus Christ.

That I would follow him. 

In our scriptures  Mosiah 18:9 it makes it very clear what our commitment is.

9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— 

My responsibility is to be a disciple of Christ. The first and great commandment is to "Love the Lord thy God with all thy hear and in all thy ways acknowledge him." The second is like unto it." Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Who is my Neighbor??

That is the question we must all ask ourselves and then realize that Everyone is our neighbor. The Savior wants us to love everyone. He needs us to look after one another. 

To help one another.

Charity is the pure love of Christ. 

I think so many people confuse loving and not judging with acceptance or condoning. WE will not always agree with others, we may not understand , but that does not mean we cannot love them or have empathy for them. 

It really made me sad when comments after the Pulse night club shooting were said in effect that." Well , look where they were . They deserved it." 

So because someone is gay and chose to hangout in a place where they were accepted for who they were, they deserved to be shot? 

OR comments after many of the  police shootings, "well, they were running away, they had a history of problems with the law "and on and on..

So again because they were not perfect and maybe they were scared and ran away, they deserved to be shot?? 

Is that what we have come to as a people? 

Now I am not here to be controversial . I am not judging the police officers, nor the victims, but can't we try and understand how the families of those who are killed are hurting? They just lost their  Father, Son, uncle , brother. 

Can we try and understand that most police officers are really just trying to protect and serve? That they are put in situations where they have to make snap judgments of what they think is best and there is no ill intent involved?  

Instead of taking a stand on our moral high ground, Can't we just try and find common ground? A human decency to look at them as another human being who is struggling with something right now? Probably more than we could ever imagine.

IT seems as if everyone thinks their opinion is the only one that matters. 

That they are right, and any other viewpoint is WRONG

I guess the best part of this should be that we don't have to carry the burden of being the judge in these situations. Our responsibility is to reach and and be understanding of all sides. Try and have a paradigm shift  and see it from the other persons point of view.   

Listen

Take it in

Try and step into their world for a minute

As a parent, we teach our children and set examples and hope they will follow them, but sometimes they make choices we don't agree with. Sometimes they find themselves in some dark places. 

Do we reach out in love to the parents or  even the individual? 

Or do we say. " well that's too bad.  It's their own fault." 

" They deserve it" 

Another such incident is at the Olympics when Gabby Douglas did not put her hand over her heart at the Medal ceremony. She was crucified all over social media for that.

 Why didn't she? 

 I don't know, but I don't really need to know. I would hope that it is not some disrespect for our country, but ultimately it is her right and choice to do so. 

I choose to think that maybe she was a bit overwhelmed having competed in her last Olympics, Having won a gold medal and was just taking it all in . 

Meaning no disrespect at all. 

To be in the spotlight of millions as you had a moment of contemplation and failed to do a simple act of placing your hand on your heart.

I certainly would not want a camera following my every move. To have every action I took scrutinized by the masses who expect their own version of perfection.

Well guess what ?? 

None of us are perfect

We all mess up sometimes. We all have had those lapses in judgement when handling a difficult situation.

AS we practice having Empathy for others our hearts will expand. WE will find a greater understanding and love we have not felt before. The down side to that is, that sometimes it can be very painful.

 Recently a friend of ours lost their 15 yr old daughter in a fluke incident when  she had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic  after having her wisdom teeth removed. 

The empathy I felt for them was almost unbearable. A friend actually posted a comment that she "felt guilty that she just kept crying"  She should not feel guilty. Her empathy for our friend did not negate the feelings of those parents. It just proved that she was truly feeling empathy . WE could put ourselves in her their shoes and "feel the hurt "of losing one of our children.

WE don't need to let it consume us, but if we are truly going to be able to comfort and mourn with others, we need to "feel it" 

That Empathy will fuel a connection that can be gained no other way 

I am no expert or authority on anything, just a mom who is trying to make the world a little better for her family and those around her.

It makes me sad to see the hatred and mean spirited things that are being done and said to others in the name of "principles" or for any reason.  

As a follower of Christ I am certainly not perfect, and I have much to learn, but I do strive to do what he would want me to do. I strive to be a little better. To love a little more, be a little kinder. Each day I have a choice in whom I will emulate and follow. 

Im sure there are people out there who wish I would just stop talking about or posting things about LGBT issues . 

I won't

I can't

If I can help one person who is traveling that journey not feel isolated and alone, then I have dome what my Savior requires of me. If I can keep one person from taking their life because they can reach out to me and know I will listen and be there for them, 

I will have done my job

If I can be there for a mother when she has to bury her child because they just couldn't bear the pain and they took their life, 

I will hug her and cry with her and give her all the support and understanding I can. 

They are children of God and they deserve the same rights and privileges that we enjoy. They deserve to find love and be loved.

I will be a voice of Hope 

There are so many difficult things we must face in this life. Our background and experiences are all different.WE all have different perspectives. Why not try and learn from those ? 

Maybe we could all try ..... Just try and give others the benefit of the doubt.

 Seek to truly understand where they might be coming from. IF you still disagree with them. 

That's ok. 

We can still be kind.

We can still show love and empathy.

We can agree to disagree ... Agreeably 

Maybe ... Just maybe we will find more peace in our own life.

Because I believe

I would not consider myself a writer, but I do find this is a good way to Journal( of sorts) and share my thoughts however jumbled they may be.  I have thought a lot lately about WHY  I do what I do. With the SCOTUS decision and subsequent  fallout, it gives me pause to think. 

What do I want people to remember me for?
 a Good mom, a good friend .
 A loving wife. A teacher, a helper,
a good friend.
 That I was a follower of Christ.
That I was kind

Kindness has many synonyms—love, service, charity. But I like the word kindness because it implies action. It seems like something you and I can do. Kindness can be shown in so many ways.

Some of my favorite examples of kindness come from what Jesus did. He spent his ministry searching for the weary, the sick, the poor, and the lonely, that he might show kindness toward them.

The book of Mark in the New Testament tells us of the Savior’s kind attention to a young girl. Her father was the ruler of the synagogue where Jesus was teaching. Word came to the ruler: “Thy daughter is dead.” (Mark 5:35.) Jesus consoled the father: “Be not afraid, only believe.” (Mark 5:36.) The Savior went hastily to the bedside of the girl and said, “Damsel, I say unto thee, arise.

“And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.” (Mark 5:41–42.) And beyond this great miracle, he continued to show his concern by instructing that something should be given to her to eat.

At the Pool of Bethesda , he sought out those who desperately needed him.

There are so many things that I don't have the answers to, but clearly Christ has given me the formula for what he expects of me in relation to others. 

Because I believe,  I have fostered 43 children 2 of whom We have adopted. 

Because I believe,  I attend Church for 3 hours each week and spend time outside of that preparing and serving in my calling as , a JUST SERVE committee member, and Ward choir director .

( which as a side note is a great exercise in patience and long-suffering.) It is very difficult to have a responsibility that is so dependent on others supporting you . 

Because I believe ,  I  volunteer with a program called E-soccer , which provides opportunities for children with special needs to be able to be a part of a soccer team.

Because I believe ,  I volunteer with the Foster parent Champion program to help other foster families and children in our community. 

Because I believe , I help many families at Christmas time to experience a little joy and wonder.

Because I believe ,  I am a member of Mormons Building Bridges and organize a group here in Las Vegas who marches in the pride parade  to show our love and acceptance for the LGBTQ community . It does not mean I may understand or even accept everything they do, but I can show love to them for the Child of God that they are. 

I do not say these things to boast or pat myself on the back. It is merely a realization that as I have followed my heart and the spirit in my life it has naturally lead me to be a partner with my Savior here in this life to help those around me. 

"Many times it is through another person that HE meets our needs."

 There are some who look at some of these activities and find fault with what I do. 

"How can you take your family down there and participate in those awful PRIDE festivities? " 

"You are going to lose your temple recommend for that?" Those people just choose that lifestyle and they will never be happy."  

And of course there are some who don't SAY anything it is just the awkward silence and distance .

I do it because I BELIEVE That is what the Savior expects of me. 

Three years ago when we learned that our son Tyler was gay I had to rethink all of my preconceived notions and ideals about WHAT and WHO gay people were. I was never mean to them , but I clearly was not loving or accepting  to them either. I had to re-examine everything I believed . I realized Tyler did not CHOOSE this, he did not want to be treated differently.He did not wish his life to be turned upside down and send him on a path that was so different from everything he had been taught growing up in the Mormon church. He was the same great kid he had always been, we just now knew a little bit more about him. And if he was this wonderful person who was gay, I bet all those others were just as wonderful too. As I got to know them and learn of their pain and struggles , my heart began to change and I felt a great desire to be there for them. Especially those who had been disowned by their own families. IF I could be instrumental in saving just one life because I was kind , then that is what I would do. The judgement I have faced is nothing compared to the judgement that these individuals face on almost a daily basis. I have many others who now call me mom ( some older than myself.) they know they can talk to me and tell me anything from the small little triumphs of their day to their deepest darkest despairs . They know that they are not alone and that someone cares for them. There are many moms just like me out there trying to make a difference for these individuals who are cast aside by so many.

We all make choices everyday and those are largely based on our belief system. 

Because I believe that exercise is good, I go to the gym to workout, etc etc. 

Many of us profess to believe in Christ yet our actions and words may not always convey that. 

These things might not be what you feel impressed or lead to do, maybe it is helping at your childs school, maybe it is volunteering at some other organization in your community. whatever it is, The savior expects us to reach out and be of service.

 HE expects us to be examples of loving and caring. In our baptismal covenant we promise to "mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and bear one anothers burdens" 

President Ezra Taft Benson tells us that a person who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others, is considerate of others’ feelings, is courteous in his or her behavior, and has a helpful nature. He goes on to say, “Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. Kindness is extended to all—to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high.” 

Sophocles, a great philosopher, said, “Kindness is ever the begetter of kindness.” I remember some simple mottoes of kindness from my youth, such as “I will always try to do and say the kindest things in the kindest way.”

Following is a poem which gives light to the subject: 

I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody’s need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind.

The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.” On the contrary, many Church leaders have spoken clearly about the love and respect with which all people are to be treated. Former Church president Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) told members who are attracted to the same sex: “Our hearts reach out to [you]. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, we regard you as our brothers and sisters.” President Boyd K. Packer affirmed, “We do not reject you. … We cannot reject you. … We will not reject you, because we love you.”

That being said, I cannot help but be grateful for the Privilege extended to all of these precious souls who just want to be in a loving committed relationship with someone they love.That they can be afforded the same rights under the law as you and I take for granted. I have a hard time believing that the Loving Heavenly Father I know expects these children of his to live a life of loneliness and isolation. To never be allowed the opportunity to share those sweet moments that come in the quiet moments we share with our spouses.To never hold hands, and hug that special someone.

 To be told that "in the next life you won't have to worry about that. It will all be made right"  Then we wonder why so many take their lives because their only hope is that it will "all be better in the next life"  It doesn't make sense. and For now we don't have those answers.

 But I KNOW that the Lord loves ALL of his children, and he wants ALL of them to have joy.

HE wants ALL of them to return to him.  He has a plan for ALL of his children.

In D&C 137:9  For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

 This is something only the Lord can Judge. We do not know the desires of their heart. 

No act of kindness is ever wasted. You cannot do a kindness too soon.

 Acting kindly can change the giver and the receiver for good. I do not write this to find fault with you. That is between you and the Savior. I am merely expressing my beliefs and my motives for Why I do what I do, and maybe it will strike a chord with you . That you can look at the WHY in your life. Maybe you will not change anything, or maybe you will do some things different.
Maybe if you live in Vegas you will come join us on Sept 18th as we march in the pride parade and you can feel the spirit that exists there as you go about your Fathers business to show love and kindness to a few of his precious children who have felt belittled, ostracized and cast out.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is based on love, respect and agency. Mormons believe that all humans have inherited strengths, weaknesses, challenges and blessings and are invited to live, through the help and grace of God, the principles revealed by Jesus Christ. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints maintains that “God’s universal fatherhood and love charges each of us with an innate and reverent acknowledgment of our shared human dignity. We are to love one another. We are to treat each other with respect as brothers and sisters and fellow children of God, no matter how much we may differ from one another.”http://mormonsandgays.org/

I am surely not perfect and I have many faults, but each day I strive to do my best and to Live worthy to have the spirit in my life so that I can be lead .

I Know that judgments will come from many again as I am vocal about these things, but Because I Believe,  I will continue to do as I feel prompted by my Savior.

To show Love whenever and wherever I can.