Can you feel it?

Have you ever really stopped to think about how someone else feels about something? 

I mean really?

WE encounter people frequently who seem to be rude , or angry, or sad, or maybe a little strange, and we pass judgement about them and move on. Never pausing to think about what might actually be going on in their life.

Brene' Brown  has several books on the subject, but this video will give you a brief but powerful lesson on Empathy

Empathy by Brene' Brown

Empathy Fuels connection, while sympathy drives disconnection. 

On my Journey of learning I have a gay son, I have learned a lot about empathy. Now I thought I was a pretty empathetic and compassionate person before , but There was so much for me to learn and discover. It really takes practice. 

If I just feel bad ( sympathy) that someone feels left out, or picked on,sad, or angry, there is no way for me to connect with them. They do not feel validated or heard. They will never feel as if I

 really care. 

But when I can try and understand where they are coming from. Try and put myself in their shoes.

WE can find a common ground. I  can begin to "FEEL " what they are feeling. 

With so much happening in the world right now with racial tensions and people "picking sides " for one thing or another, we can never come to a peaceful understanding. 

What I have also learned is that having empathy can be very painful. As I said before I thought I was a pretty compassionate person. I will bring you a meal, send you a card, run some errands whatever you need. Sometimes what they need is just someone to listen. Someone to understand. You don't 

have to agree with them, or even completely "get it"  to have empathy. 

I love this quote by Mother Theresa " if you are judging someone, you have no time to love them"

  

Now for those who don't know me, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormon as some know it. 

When I was baptized I made a promise to take upon my self the name of Jesus Christ.

That I would follow him. 

In our scriptures  Mosiah 18:9 it makes it very clear what our commitment is.

9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— 

My responsibility is to be a disciple of Christ. The first and great commandment is to "Love the Lord thy God with all thy hear and in all thy ways acknowledge him." The second is like unto it." Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Who is my Neighbor??

That is the question we must all ask ourselves and then realize that Everyone is our neighbor. The Savior wants us to love everyone. He needs us to look after one another. 

To help one another.

Charity is the pure love of Christ. 

I think so many people confuse loving and not judging with acceptance or condoning. WE will not always agree with others, we may not understand , but that does not mean we cannot love them or have empathy for them. 

It really made me sad when comments after the Pulse night club shooting were said in effect that." Well , look where they were . They deserved it." 

So because someone is gay and chose to hangout in a place where they were accepted for who they were, they deserved to be shot? 

OR comments after many of the  police shootings, "well, they were running away, they had a history of problems with the law "and on and on..

So again because they were not perfect and maybe they were scared and ran away, they deserved to be shot?? 

Is that what we have come to as a people? 

Now I am not here to be controversial . I am not judging the police officers, nor the victims, but can't we try and understand how the families of those who are killed are hurting? They just lost their  Father, Son, uncle , brother. 

Can we try and understand that most police officers are really just trying to protect and serve? That they are put in situations where they have to make snap judgments of what they think is best and there is no ill intent involved?  

Instead of taking a stand on our moral high ground, Can't we just try and find common ground? A human decency to look at them as another human being who is struggling with something right now? Probably more than we could ever imagine.

IT seems as if everyone thinks their opinion is the only one that matters. 

That they are right, and any other viewpoint is WRONG

I guess the best part of this should be that we don't have to carry the burden of being the judge in these situations. Our responsibility is to reach and and be understanding of all sides. Try and have a paradigm shift  and see it from the other persons point of view.   

Listen

Take it in

Try and step into their world for a minute

As a parent, we teach our children and set examples and hope they will follow them, but sometimes they make choices we don't agree with. Sometimes they find themselves in some dark places. 

Do we reach out in love to the parents or  even the individual? 

Or do we say. " well that's too bad.  It's their own fault." 

" They deserve it" 

Another such incident is at the Olympics when Gabby Douglas did not put her hand over her heart at the Medal ceremony. She was crucified all over social media for that.

 Why didn't she? 

 I don't know, but I don't really need to know. I would hope that it is not some disrespect for our country, but ultimately it is her right and choice to do so. 

I choose to think that maybe she was a bit overwhelmed having competed in her last Olympics, Having won a gold medal and was just taking it all in . 

Meaning no disrespect at all. 

To be in the spotlight of millions as you had a moment of contemplation and failed to do a simple act of placing your hand on your heart.

I certainly would not want a camera following my every move. To have every action I took scrutinized by the masses who expect their own version of perfection.

Well guess what ?? 

None of us are perfect

We all mess up sometimes. We all have had those lapses in judgement when handling a difficult situation.

AS we practice having Empathy for others our hearts will expand. WE will find a greater understanding and love we have not felt before. The down side to that is, that sometimes it can be very painful.

 Recently a friend of ours lost their 15 yr old daughter in a fluke incident when  she had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic  after having her wisdom teeth removed. 

The empathy I felt for them was almost unbearable. A friend actually posted a comment that she "felt guilty that she just kept crying"  She should not feel guilty. Her empathy for our friend did not negate the feelings of those parents. It just proved that she was truly feeling empathy . WE could put ourselves in her their shoes and "feel the hurt "of losing one of our children.

WE don't need to let it consume us, but if we are truly going to be able to comfort and mourn with others, we need to "feel it" 

That Empathy will fuel a connection that can be gained no other way 

I am no expert or authority on anything, just a mom who is trying to make the world a little better for her family and those around her.

It makes me sad to see the hatred and mean spirited things that are being done and said to others in the name of "principles" or for any reason.  

As a follower of Christ I am certainly not perfect, and I have much to learn, but I do strive to do what he would want me to do. I strive to be a little better. To love a little more, be a little kinder. Each day I have a choice in whom I will emulate and follow. 

Im sure there are people out there who wish I would just stop talking about or posting things about LGBT issues . 

I won't

I can't

If I can help one person who is traveling that journey not feel isolated and alone, then I have dome what my Savior requires of me. If I can keep one person from taking their life because they can reach out to me and know I will listen and be there for them, 

I will have done my job

If I can be there for a mother when she has to bury her child because they just couldn't bear the pain and they took their life, 

I will hug her and cry with her and give her all the support and understanding I can. 

They are children of God and they deserve the same rights and privileges that we enjoy. They deserve to find love and be loved.

I will be a voice of Hope 

There are so many difficult things we must face in this life. Our background and experiences are all different.WE all have different perspectives. Why not try and learn from those ? 

Maybe we could all try ..... Just try and give others the benefit of the doubt.

 Seek to truly understand where they might be coming from. IF you still disagree with them. 

That's ok. 

We can still be kind.

We can still show love and empathy.

We can agree to disagree ... Agreeably 

Maybe ... Just maybe we will find more peace in our own life.

My testimony

Our stake  has a Testimony tuesday and our ward was responsible to cover it for this month, so I thought I would share my testimony  here as well. Maybe something I say will help someone else feel they are not alone. 

When you grow up in  the  church, there is a plan laid out for you. Grow up, go to school, serve a mission if you are a young man, get married , have children, and Endure to the end, find your happily ever after , right?  Well, For some of us, maybe even many of us, Life doesn’t always take this  straight path. We tend to look at our lives, and think “ what did I do wrong?”  We hear the testimonies about how “ all my kids served missions, and married in the temple”  We hear the accolades of the eagle scout and the young woman who earned her YW  medallion at 14 etc etc. we hear about how life just seems to be going perfectly for everyone. That they have it all figured out and they have been so blessed.  Don’t get me wrong. That is wonderful for them, but If your life doesn’t match up to that, it can be difficult to listen to that over and over again. You can begin to feel  well… “Less than”

Over the last 48 years of my life my testimony has grown and evolved. And sometimes even faltered. I had to realize that sometimes I was practicing Satans plan with my children. “Just do it like I said” and we will all be happy . My boys lost interest in scouting and did not complete their eagle. There were various circumstances that played into that , which aren’t really critical at this point, but it  is important that I realized that the Lord loved them even if they didn’t fit that perfect mold . The most important thing for me as their mother was to love them and learn which battles were important to fight. Fighting about Projects and merit badges was not one of them.  Maintaining a positive relationship with my daughter was more important than fighting with her about whether she was working on her personal progress. Of learning that I didn’t want her to hate the church because they dictated to her this program she needed to follow.

  Again, I am not saying that it is not a good program. 

I earned mine as a senior in High school. I learned many great things that have helped me become a better person and mother, but there was not a driving force for my daughter to earn hers. Yes she completed some things, She participated in many activities  that could apply to the program, but I was not going to be able to “force” her to complete it. I had to learn that they had their agency, and even in church matters, I had to let them choose. I encourage and guide, but I can’t force. That does not make me a bad , or “less than” parent, and it does not make them bad kids.

Brad Wilcox has a talk out called “Learning,  not Earning Heaven” 

That is what The lord has been doing for me over the last 48 years of my life. HE is helping me to “learn Heaven”

Life has a way of teaching us great lessons, especially  when we find ourselves off what is viewed as the prescribed path. Another such instance was when our second son Tyler came out as gay. “How does a Mormon family end up with a gay son?” This was one of my first thoughts.

I didn’t know anyone else who was Mormon and Gay ( or so I thought) IT was during those next few days, months and now years, that I have learned some very profound lessons. I have learned that Heavenly Father is in control and is VERY aware of all of his children. I have learned that he trusted our family with this special spirit because he could trust that we would love him and have the courage to face this and help others face it as well. I have learned to Love in a whole new way. I have learned to see others as the Savior sees them. I have learned to really rely on my Heavenly Father to help me get through some very difficult times. I have had to really pray and ask for his help in understanding teachings and doctrines that seem so hurtful and unchristlike.

Have I had any profound answers as to Why people are born gay? No

Have I had any answers as to why the plan of happiness seems to exclude my son and so many others like him? Why  he would be sent here to earth to live alone, and never know the joy of having a family , and companionship? Why did it seem that this loving God that I believed in and trusted would sentence my son to this, would leave him out of this plan for his children ?

No, not  specifically ,  But I have had answers .

 I think this test is more for the rest of us . A test of how we are going to treat those who are different than us. How are we going to look after those sheep that don’t look, or act like we think they should.   Will we try and bring them into the fold and love them as God would , or discard them ?

I love music, and my Heavenly Father knows well he can talk to me through music. I have had some very profound messages through music , but I will just share 2 to illustrate some of what I have learned in these last few years.

The first one was early on in this “learning “ experience.

I was still quite troubled with the situation of our son being Gay, and  of the profound loss I felt for him and frankly for us too. That perfect little plan I had learned all my life just didn’t make sense anymore .My heart was aching for this boy of mine.

 I was at a Time out for Women event at the Cashman center . IF you have never attended , they are awesome. Anyway,  In between speakers, they have musical guests. That weekend , one of the guests was Dallyn Bayles. As he came onto the stage, and  the music began, my heart just about burst. My eyes certainly did. The music was that of a song By Michael Schultz called “He’s my son”  A song I had heard before ..

Here are the words to the song….I'm down on my knees again tonight,
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right.
See, there is a boy that needs Your help.
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired,
I'm sure You can understand.
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand,
And she tries
Not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep,
I dream of the boy he'd like to be.
I try to be strong and see him through,
But God, who he needs right now is You.
Let him grow old,
Live life without this fear.
What would I be
Living without him here?
He's so tired,
And he's scared
Let him know that You're there.

Can You hear me?

Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow.
See, he's not just anyone.

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him,
He's my son.

This was a direct answer to my prayers.  Heavenly Father had put all these details in place of Bro. Bayles, getting permission to use Mr Schultz’s song in a public performance, I , obtaining a ticket and being in attendance at this venue to hear a profound message that He hears my prayers and he is there. That Tyler is his son too!

Needless to say that whole evening was very emotional for me. I didn’t have all the answers I sought, but I had a profound peace to just trust the Lord in this.That he is there watching over Tyler.

Another such Learning event was another time I was really struggling with things, and feeling very heavy with burdens. Church is difficult for me sometimes , as I never knew when I might hear some hurtful remarks. I know I love my Savior but sitting through lessons that talked about how evil gay people are, or Why people are just not strong enough who leave the church were more than I could take. They don’t know some of these people like I do. They don’t know my heart, or Tylers heart. But It is still so painful. I feel so isolated and alone at church many times. I go because I have children who I am responsible for, but sometimes  well... This one particular Sunday I just couldn’t do it, so I went to my car after sacrament to wait it out for my kids . I turned on the radio. ( I listen to the Christian radio station) and the first song that was playing was “Just be Held “ by Casting crowns.

Here are the lyrics…  Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held
Just be held

If your eyes are on the storm you'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross you'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held
Just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where youll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held (stop holding on)
Just be held

So as you can probably see, Here again was another profound answer from my loving Heavenly Father In the parking lot of the chapel. I think the words explain the message perfectly.

Another song that played that day was “Breathe” By Johny Diaz. 

 Here is just a bit of the chorus…Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at My feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe

These songs will randomly come on at times when I again need to be reminded of my Heavenly Fathers love for me, of his constant companionship with me in some turbulent waters. Heavenly Father knows me and loves me. He knows he can speak to me through music.

As a fitness trainer, we teach our clients about “Time under tension”  In order to strengthen our muscles, they need to be under tension, and the most growth comes when they are given “time under tension”

Our spirit is much the same way. When we are under tension( challenges/ trials) that is when we have the opportunity for the most growth. Heavenly Father knows what he is doing . He is trying to help us “learn” heaven and become the strong disciples he needs us to be . That requires us to spend “time under tension”  It is not pleasant , and sometimes is downright painful, but He will be right there with us cheering us on and counting the time until the tension can be released for maximum benefit.

So I know this seems like a novel, but as I contemplated my testimony and where I am today, this is at the core of what I feel compelled to share. IT is certainly not always easy, and I am sure that I frequently disappoint my Heavenly Father as I continue to try and “Learn” the lessons he is giving me. Those lessons which are shaping the person I am becoming . The Mother I am to my Children. The manner of Disciple I am trying to be . I have been asked the question of “why I stay in a church that is pushing my son and others like him away”  I stay because it is my church. I stay because I love my Savior. I stay because I trust my Savior and I am trying to learn all I can from Him.I trust that this loving God I know has a plan for ALL of his children. I stay because I have made covenants with Him, and I trust that the Tension he is putting me under is for my benefit. I stay because it is my responsibility to be a source of help and strength to others who are on this same path and need to know there is someone who knows and understands.

When I stumble and feel as if I can’t do it anymore, I am reminded to “Just Breathe” 

This life was never meant to be easy. If it was, there would be no growth. I continue to  try and learn the lessons that Heavenly Father wants me to learn, and do my best each day to be the kind of woman he sent me here to be.

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen

Exercise makes us stronger

At the gym today I noticed a few men who were working the circuit of Weight machines with me. I noticed a larger gentleman who appeared to be in good physical health, and as he switched to use the Machine after me, He had to reduce the weight that I had just used on the machine. This happened a few times and It made me think about the fact that I , A much smaller, woman, was able to lift more weight than this man. Not because I am necessarily stronger, but Because I have been consistently exercising those muscles, and have conditioned myself to where I am able to lift a heavier load than a few of these men.

I have to admit for a few minutes I was a bit "proud " of my accomplishments, but then my mind turned to another type of "exercise,"
An Exercise of the heart ,  our capacity to Love others, and see them as God sees them.

 Five years ago, I think I was pretty good at loving and not judging, but now with the growth and "exercise" I have had by learning that I have a gay son , I can Love so much more .

My ability to look past the labels, and boxes that people are in. To  see their eyes, and look into their hearts has grown tremendously.
The exercise I have used to try and be more like my Savior each day, has strengthened my ability to be a better child of God. I am certainly not perfect by any means, but I am stronger.

Another exercise is that of listening to the Still small voice and following its promptings. Learning to recognize that the Lord will often speak to us through Feelings


D&C 8:2-3  Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.

 3 Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation

D&C 9:8-9  

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me.

For years I have been praying about these issues regarding my gay son and so many others. I have not had any great revelations, but I have had MANY feelings,impressions and answers through music and other means, but mostly from the feelings that accompanied these experiences..

There was no denying that what I was feeling was what the Lord wanted me to know and DO.   As I exercised recognizing the spirits promptings in my life, It got easier. I could recognize when I would have those strong feelings that what I was doing was exactly what the Lord wanted me to do, even though many in the world , would judge me and even criticize me for doing something against what "they" thought was right.
People could not understand why a good mormon woman would go to a Gay pride parade, and then even go to a festival and give out hugs.

Hmm....... So do they think that they really didn't deserve to have my friendship and Love ?
I spent 10 hours at that festival talking with people, Listening to their stories and yes, hugging many of them.

The spirit let me know that I was doing exactly as the Savior expected of me. That does not mean I didn't have some anxious feelings. I spent a good majority of the day at our booth alone, because no one else would join me. That was a bit hard, and it gave me pause to reflect on the events going on. As I continued to exercise my Faith and trust in the Lord to help me accomplish his work, it became easier. Being a shy person compounded my anxiety to have to talk to,  and hug perfect strangers, but as I let the spirit work through me I could even approach them before they came to our booth.

 I remember a particular young woman. My guess was she was about 20-22 years old. She had a bit of a look of disgust on her face as she approached our booth, and she asked" Are you really a Mormon? " Yes I am I told her. I go to church every week. She said "so Why are you doing this? "  I explained that I was just there to show love and compassion to them. That even though I was Mormon that I loved them and I wanted to be there for them if they needed someone to talk to , or even if they just needed a hug"  She paused and stared at me for a moment then told me her heartbreaking story of growing up Mormon and Gay. How she was ostracized from her family . I cried with her, and when she was done, She said "this is cool"  I asked her if I could give her a hug and she agreed. I could sense her staunch demeanor melting just a bit as I could step in for just a moment and extend to her some love and understanding she had so desperately needed for so many years. All I did was listen for a while and give her a hug, but I knew it made a difference. We met many other wonderful people and even families. One is pictured here. These gentleman have adopted 4 children ( only the littlest one is pictured here)






“Your happiness now and for the eternities will unquestionably be determined by whether or not you follow the spiritual guidance of the Lord communicated through the Holy Ghost…


“The counsel of others and the programs of the Church are useful aids but not the best source of fundamental direction in your life. That guidance comes from the Lord through the Holy Ghost.


“Spirituality yields two fruits. The first is inspiration, that is, to know what to do. The second is power—the power of God or the capacity to do what one has been instructed to accomplish.” (Richard G. Scott, Finding Peace, Happiness, and Joy, p. 39-40)


Just like Physical exercise helps our body become stronger,

When we exercise our heart, and our mind , they become stronger. Why do they give us math problems to take home for homework? Because the "exercise " helps us learn the skill better.


So many in todays world do not want to exercise the skill of empathy, or even compassion. It takes effort to step out of the comfortable box that you know and listen to an others story. To truly try and see their point of view. It does not mean in the end that you may even agree with them. That is OK. But when you allow your heart to be open to the spirit of another, you cannot help but be changed. Little by little you will become better at being a true disciple of Christ. OF mourning with those who mourn, Bearing one anothers burdens and comforting those who stand in need of Comfort.

Working with Special needs children, I have been with some difficult children and adults. Life for some of them has been very difficult. AS I set aside my prejuidces and try to see them as the Savior sees them, I can find an empathy and love that I would not otherwise have. It does not mean I may not still struggle with their behaviors, but I can still love them. I can still do all in my power to help them. And least of all I can have empathy for the path they have walked.

I think all of us can use a little more exercise in our lives , in helping all of Gods children through this difficult journey of life.





from M Russel Ballard New Era March 2016





I believe that if we could truly understand the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, we would realize how precious is one son or daughter of God. I believe our Heavenly Father’s everlasting purpose for His children is generally achieved by the small and simple things we do for one another. At the heart of the English word atonement is the word one. If all mankind understood this, there would never be anyone with whom we would not be concerned, regardless of age, race, gender, religion, or social or economic standing. We would strive to emulate the Savior and would never be unkind, indifferent, disrespectful, or insensitive to others. Richard G Scott

I think that says it all 

What is my foundation

Many people ask me the question of how do I reconcile my membership in the church with my disagreement with some of the policies and actions they take,  specifically against the LGBT community.

That is a good question, and for the most part I have never really been able to answer that effectively. It is a very tough place to be. A church I love and have served my whole life, and policies that hurt and ostracize my son and so many others I have met over the last 4 years .

Yesterday in church though I had a bit of an answer come to me. As the speaker read a verse from

Helaman chapter 5 Vs. 12  And Now my sons,remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our redeemer , who is Christ, the Son of God that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea his shafts in the whirlwind, yea when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you , it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation upon which if  men build they cannot fall.  

This was one of those moments when I knew the Lord was answering me. Christ is my foundation. This is Christs gospel here on the earth, but it is run by men. Yes they are prophets, but they are human men and thus,  are not perfect.  I do not think they are trying to be mean or hurtful, but I do think that there are things that they are struggling with , and much like the situation with blacks and the Priesthood, they are going with what they think is best at the time.

That does not necessarily make it any easier as a mother of a Gay son, and a person who is actively involved in supporting and helping those in that community.  I have seen first hand the devastation that this impossible situation has caused many. I have talked with mothers who have lost their children to suicide because they thought it would be better for them to be dead and on the other side , as it has been taught that they won't be gay in the next life.

I personally do not believe that. 

I have received personal witness that my son is exactly as our Heavenly Father made him to be. HE loves him and is concerned for him. He sent him to our family because he knew we would love him and support him and help him navigate this difficult journey. I believe that these LGBT individuals are some of the most valiant and strong spirits, as they knew what they would face when they came here to earth and they willingly did it.

I think the real test is for the rest of us.

 How are we going to treat them? 

How are we going to reach out and serve some of the "least of these" ?

AS I think back, this continues on the thoughts I had in my previous post  Are we really Christians

I attend Church because I love my Savior. I am eternally grateful for all he has done for me. I take the sacrament to renew my covenant I made with HIM . To take upon myself his name, to bear one anothers burdens, to mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. 

I do my best to fulfill my calling because I know that is what HE wants and expects of me. 

I know he loves me. I know he loves ALL of my children, even when they are disobedient and won't do their dishes or clean their room. 

I know that the Savior is mindfull of those who are struggling and can't see a way out. For those who are hurting so badly that they see no other way to peace but to take themselves from this life and take their chances it will be better on the other side.

I love this picture and what it represents. They savior kneeling down to heal and comfort the woman who was taken in adultery. She recognized the power of the Savior and looked to him for redemption and healing and he freely offered it. It was no one elses place to judge and condemn her. Only he knows her heart, and he willingly offers healing.

I too am not prefect, just ask my kids .

But everyday I pray to my Heavenly Father and ask him to guide me in what he would have me do. Where can I be of service. It has taken me to many places I would never have imagined.

But I can say with a firm conviction that I am doing what he wants me to do, 

As I reach out and do my best even when I too am afraid and confused,  and sometimes even angry, I feel the peace and comfort come of knowing I am the Lords hands and heart here on earth administering to some of his precious children. 

That it is ok to have questions and not have all the answers.

That sometimes it is important to just be obedient until the answers come.That I can find strength and comfort in knowing that my foundation is sure.

 
Sometimes those mighty winds that swirl around us come from our own congregations. The Gospel is true, but it is run by imperfect people who make up his Church.
 If we build our foundation on the institution that is the church, it is much more difficult, but If we build on the foundation of Christ and his gospel, we will always be safe.  WE can find a steady footing on that foundation fo the Savior even when the church seems to be tossing us about.

In  Moroni 10:  20

Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity.

21 And except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; neither can ye be saved in the kingdom of God if ye have not faith; neither can ye if ye have no hope.

I have Hope in my Savior that somehow this is all going to work out,
 I try everyday to exercise Faith,  and develop and show more Charity.
Thankfully we have the atonement that allows us to start over again and again. So for now that is how I move forward each day.
That is what my foundation is.

In 2Nephi 26:33  Our Savior invites us “to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; … all are alike unto God.” 

We are drowning

This past week has been pretty difficult to say the least. On Thursday evening Nov 5th, news broke about the new "policy " regarding same sex couples and their children.I understand that the media can sensationalize things, SO at first I thought maybe it was some kind of Hoax. Sadly it was not.

 Clarification has come  that did ease some of the damage of the policy , In that those who already are "on the path" may continue. They will not have those things taken away from them. It also says that if their "primary residence " is not with the Gay family member then they are ok as well, But they have to disavow, 
( to disclaim knowledge of, connection with, or responsibility for; disown;) that parents relationship. They will never even be allowed to ever live with them.All others will have to wait until they are 18, and then they still have to disavow the practice of Same sex marriage,( the relationship) and may not ever reside with that parent. Which in some countries will be very difficult, as it is very common for children to live with their family well into their adult years.

Surely seems as if we are trying to destroy a family relationship.

We are drowning

We get that they are now drawing the line in the sand that same sex marriage is a grievous sin, but to extend that to their children? If they are a straight young man or woman, I don't think they are going to have any temptation to enter a same sex marriage, so they would not be participating in that sin.It should be just like anything else. They know the word of Wisdom, they know they should be honest in their dealings, They know the law of chastity, and they agree to follow those commandments. SO why must they "disavow" this particular sin.

So if a heterosexual parent is , embezzling, committing crimes of any kind, maybe involved in pornography, thefts, Infidelity or any "other sin" that is ok, The children are still perfectly fine to live with that parent, and enjoy the blessings of the gospel.?



IT clearly does not seem as if this is a fair and loving policy. It has shaken many of us parents, and even some who have no specific ties to the LGBT community , to our very core. As we have posted comments and articles asking for love and compassion, expressing our hurt and concern, many of us are being hit with Judgments and scorn.

Comments such as "why don't you just leave the church"

or "This is the sifting of the Wheat and the Tares" 

 and "this is like the separating of the  sheep and the goats"

"You just need to have faith and follow the leaders." Or even comments such as " I know it came from God, not the old guys who lead us" as If we had said something like that.

We are drowning ,

We need a life preserver, not someone to send us messages that we aren't doing it right, or someone to stand above as as we sink and yell to us things like"You shouldn't get so close to that"






This for many of us has sent us right back to that very difficult time when our lives were turned upside down as we discovered that one of our family members was gay.That little bubble so many of us live in was burst, and we were left drowning in the midst of despair.

 The pattern to follow , the perfect picture of the Mormon family was gone.

Hope faded. Tears and anger set in.  We had to reevaluate everything we had thought 

What did this mean for them ? for us as a family?

But we held on to hope that somehow this would be made right, That there would be a space for them in the gospel. Surely a loving Heavenly Father would not set his children up for failure.

How could the church we know and love, who teaches all about love and family , turn its back on a whole population of Gods children?  The tears just continue to flow as  we go about our daily tasks and try to make sense of it all. We struggle to walk into our church buildings only to be met with Silence, and rhetoric about how we need to "Stand tall, have courage to stand up against the evils of the world " 

That is my child you are calling evil. 

Can you not see how painful that is? He is not evil . He is a very kind and loving person. He is a hard worker and does his best to try and help those around him. To further the pain, its not even just about him.

 It is the many other LGBT people that I know and Love you are talking about. These individuals have to deal with more than you could ever imagine at the hands of others who want to judge and discard them. Have you had to sit with a mother after her child has committed suicide because of the bullying he has experienced? Have you had to worry for hours when you cannot reach someone you know is in total despair and might take his life. Have you sat and listened to a woman talk about feeling so alone and isolated because the church she loves and served a mission for now calls her an apostate just because she loves another woman? The pain and grief is real. Those of us on the front lines are losing the hope that we carried to help lift them up. When will we too be discarded and called apostates for loving and supporting our LGBT friends and family?

And now that hope is all but gone. We feel abandoned, we feel alone. We grieve for our children and family members whom this is devastating to.We grieve for those whom we have met along our journey, men, women , mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children of God , who are now very clearly getting the message  that there is no place for you here. There is no place for your children and grandchildren.

Yes, I have watched the video by Elder Christofferson stating it is in the best interest of the children, Does that really make sense to you? In some cases I'm sure it might apply.  

This is what the Savior taught 

Luke 18:16 Jesus said Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not.




3 Nephi 18:32 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues , or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them.




Luke 9 Teaches us a powerful lesson about what the Lord expects of us when others don't act they way we think they should . When James and John suggest that they bring fire down on the Samaritans who did not receive them well, HE offers this counsel..

But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.


For the Son of man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them. 

Are they really trying to save them, or are they destroying them?

Haven't we been taught to leave the 99 to seek for the one?

Why are we so quick to discard these individuals who have been born with Same sex attraction?

Take a walk in their shoes for a day. Could you live your life never having the companionship of a spouse? Never being able to even go on a date with someone you find interesting? worrying about being fired from your job or thrown out of your living quarters. OR how about even thrown out of your school?  Always having in the back of your mind that you are not worthy, you are defective at best, deviant at worst?

They are in every essence being "thrown out of the boat."

Why as Christians do we feel it is our duty and our right to Point out the faults of those around us?

To make ourselves feel better because their sins our worse than ours?

None of us are perfect. We all have struggles and challenges, We should be helping each other through those difficult times. We are already hurting and yet when we turn to the place that should offer refuge and comfort from the storms, we are battered and tossed about , or shunned.

Can you just mourn with us? Can you share our pain without judgment about our relationship with God? Can we cry on your shoulder? Can you be more careful about your rhetoric when you teach in church? Can you find a way to listen and try to understand?

From a post by Julie De Azevedo Hanks

To my fellow LDS friends...If someone comes to you for support and shares their hurt, sadness, confusion, anger about the recent LDS policy changes may I suggest some things to keep in mind?

1) Just Listen
Don't explain, preach, justify, quote scriptures, pontificate. Just nod your head, try to feel what they are feeling, and non-verbally show that you are engaged.
2) Empathize With Their Emotion
Even if you don't feel the same way or you don't understand why they are feeling the way they do, empathize and reflect back what they are sharing.
3) Don't Frame their Pain as a Lack of Faith
Avoid judgement, blame, shaming, or directive statements like, "If you would just..." or "I thought you had more faith than this" or "You should just..."
4) Acknowledge the Unanswered Questions
It's OK to say that you don't know. Validate the complexity and confusion associated with the situation.
5) Express Your Love
The condescending "bless your heart" pity-love won't work. Look him/her in the eye and share your love for her/him and your faith in the Savior.

Yes, many are resigning and walking away, but many are also staying.
Why you ask?


Because we love our Heavenly Father,

We love our Savior Jesus Christ.

We have testimonies ( although shaken a bit)

It is our church too, and just because we have questions and doubts, it does not negate all the things we do know.

WE feel it a responsibility and duty to follow our baptismal covenants , To bear one anothers burdens, Mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort .

Many of us are mothers,   biologically and spiritually,  to some very precious souls who need us now more than ever.and will stand up for them.

If I can make a difference for even one soul to hang on and fight another day. I will be safe in knowing my Heavenly Father is pleased with me.

The first and great commandment is to Love the Lord they God with all thy heart might mind and strength, and the second is like unto it. Love thy neighbor as thyself.

 Pres. Spencer W Kimball stated. "God does notice us, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

This fulfills both of those commandments. When we Love God , we serve and help others.

We don't belittle them. We don't discard them or turn them away. We think about the things we say and do and how that might hurt someone else.


D&C 137:9 For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.


Not one of us can really know the desire of anothers heart .

Leave it to God.

 Just LOVE THEM!




Just love us! 

Reach out a hand to help those who are drowning in despair right now over the loss of hopes and dreams and blessings. You don't have to agree or understand, but you can offer empathy and compassion. We gain empathy when we truly seek to understand someone elses position. And remember just because you don't think you know anyone who is affected by this, you probably are wrong.

I find comfort in the words of Alma to his son Helaman in chapter 36

And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

I am counting on this.

The tapestry of Life

Life can seem messy at times . Sometimes I even feel like things are just falling apart. I can't understand why God has given me this particular challenge. As I look back over my 47 years of life, I can see many times that there were threads being woven that I just thought were so out of place. I questioned whether God knew what he was doing and If I could really get through this. 

This image comes from a poem of unknown origin that was popularized by Corrie Ten Boom (author of The Hiding Place). Here it is:

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

I had the opportunity to watch for the second time the Movie Do you Believe ( see trailer Here)

 It is one of the best and most profound movies I have seen in a long time. IT follows the lives of 12 people and their journey to find the Savior. In the end it talks about this tapestry that God is weaving.
On this side of heaven, though, we stand behind the tapestry and usually see only the knotted ends and frayed edges of what God is doing. If we could get “on the other side” of the tapestry, we could see God doing something beautiful, but we live on the underside with painful circumstances and God’s purposes unclear.
WE doubt and question if that is really how it should be.

As I think back to February of 2011 when our son Tyler came out to us as Gay, I totally thought that I had fallen into the twilight zone. How does a Mormon family end up with a gay son? Tyler was such a sweet, loving, helpful, and all around good kid. How could he possibly be gay? Those threads being woven into my tapestry and His for that matter seemed so out of place.

 How could this possibly be what our Heavenly Father wanted for our family?

 Now 4 + years later I still don't completely understand, but I am beginning to see that picture more clearly. Our tapestry has taken on a beautiful thread and quality that never would have been there otherwise. The same is true with our 2 girls we adopted. The challenges some days seem insurmountable, but I cannot imagine our lives without these two extra princesses in our family.


Our job is to learn to trust the master weaver. To trust in his divine role of creator . One day we will be able to see the masterpiece that he has created,
but for now we must learn to just trust.
I am sure that one day when we can see the " other side" and we see each different thread and the detail and accents that it adds to the tapestry,
it will all make sense.