The Lord will lead us

This post is different from my other posts which address our journey of having a gay son and becoming an ally for the LGBT community.

The interesting part of life is that we take many different journeys that we may not have expected.
I did not expect to have to deal with 3 deaths in the matter of a year and a half . ( My dad , Step dad , and brother)

I did not expect that I would become involved in foster care  let alone adopt 2 children.

I could never have imagined how different our life would be when Aimee and I had that first conversation on our morning walk about adoption. That sparked an interest in me that lead me to foster care. I already had 4 children of my own. It wasn't that I felt the need to adopt.
I just thought" We could bring another child into our home to help them for a while"

Yes I had all those doubts and fears.
Could I do it?
What if I get attached?
How can I give them back?

The impression that this is what we should do was stronger than the fears , so we proceeded. Not sure that Wesley thought it was such a good idea, but he went along for the ride.    

Our first placement came in 2003 and boy were we in for a shock . Miss M was 5 and had been involved in the "system" for most of her life. I remember the first time we took her to church with us and they removed the white sheet covering the sacrament table. Miss M loudly exclaimed. "Who died up there"

What had this poor little one seen? What must her life had been like.?
Needless to say that placement  was a trial by fire, and we almost decided to hang up our Foster parenting hat. After approx. 6 months they moved her into a therapeutic placement as she never should have been placed in a family with other children.

the Caseworker and therapists who worked on that case apologized for the poor placement, and encouraged us to try again as this was just a rough experience. WE did so..

AS a side note, about 4 months after miss M left our home we received a call from her therapist . She explained that  Miss M would be going to Florida to live with her Great aunt and uncle. they asked her if there was anything she wanted to do or anyone she wanted to see before she left, as she would probably never be back. She wanted to come see us and say goodbye.

This gave me great pause as to the impact we can have. This child created so much chaos in our home. I can honestly say I did not really like her very much. I cared about her and wanted her to be safe, but realized that some of these children needed more than I could give them.

Yet in that brief few months she felt something that she had not before . I can't speak for her as to specifically how she felt, but since her Biological mom, grandma,  Aunt and Uncle all lived here, and whom she had spent most of the first years of her life with , yet she did not want to see them.
She wanted to see us. We had given her .... love, hope, safety.

I realized what we do matters. I could make a difference for a child whether it was for 2 days 2 months or 2 years.

So we continued on our journey. Ultimately fostering 43 children. 2 of whom we adopted.
We never intended to adopt, but the saying is. IF you foster long enough you will end up adopting.

1 Nephi 17:13 says...  And I Will also be your light in the wilderness; and I Will prepare the way before you if it so be that ye shall  keep my commandments; wherefore inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.

This scripture has brought comfort to me many times on my journeys in life. He will lead us where he wants us to go if we let him.

Our 2 new daughters did not come without challenges. One we spent almost a month in the hospital after discovering that the effects of her moms drug abuse had burnt her lungs and caused her intestinal issues. I had people who would say to me .
"Why do you stay at the hospital. It's not even your baby?"
Yes, She was my baby. I was all she had. For that specified time I had been called on to be her mom and to be there for her. I could not imagine leaving that tiny little 5 lb  baby there all alone.
Was it difficult having 5 other children at home who also needed their mother, Sure.
WE did what we felt was best. Our kids had to step up and help more, they had to look outside themselves and realize they could do something for someone else.
They learned the world did not revolve around them, and that was ok.
In this trial blessings came.
I could see that Heavenly Father led us through what I could never have imagined. I don't know that my other children were grateful at the time, but I think as they get older they can see the blessings  too.

Of course the ward was a big help also.
  

Fast forward a few years , and the challenges began to increase . Children who are born addicted and or exposed to drugs face a whole host of challenges as they grow up. WE were unprepared for the challenges that lie ahead of us. I could never have imagined how much chaos one little child could bring.
Now we had some rough cases and understandably so based on what they had experienced, but these children had been with us for a long time. Miss S since she was almost 10 months old and Miss A we got right from the hospital. They had been in our home for years now.

I had embarked on a journey that would try my patience as nothing else had. I would find myself on my knees pleading for understanding and help.
I had been a parent to over 40 children yet I felt like a failure.

I LOVED  Miss S, but I did not really LIKE her some times.  "She's so cute" people would say. Yes she is, but you try living with her.
I am sure some of you just think I am a horrible mom for saying that. It is nothing that I have not felt myself.
 But having talked to many other foster and adoptive moms , many of us have felt this. It is just the reality. Even in biological families , they are not all perfect.
It's really easy to try and give advice and judge when you don't have to live it.
Everyone's trials come in different forms.
As we continue to work with Psychiatrists , Psychologists, and therapists,  we keep trudging along on our journey.
We have highs and lows.
We seek out help.
We know we cannot do this alone.
We don't have to do it alone.
We still have a long way to go in this journey, but the experiences and views we have gained could never have come without us trusting in those promptings and allowing the Lord to lead us on this path.

Is our life different now??
Of course, but I could not imagine not having Miss S and Miss A in our family.

Do I regret it??
NO

I have learned that the Lord is aware and loves ALL of his children.
HE will put people in their path to help them.
HE was their Father before they were mine.
I may not know all the answers, but He does.
I have to try and see them as HE sees them. A precious child of God .
I have to learn more patience and understanding and most of all that HE is in charge and if I turn to him everything will be ok.

As I look at the parallels in these journeys, Foster care and adoption, and having a gay son, they are so similar.
There are highs and lows.
We don't have all the answers, and that is OK.
We just need to trust HIM  and follow the promptings that we get.
Allow him to lead us on this journey.

Go and do thou likewise

As related by Luke, a certain lawyer tempted Jesus, saying, “Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” (Luke 10:25.)

In New Testament times a lawyer was the equivalent of a scribe, who was by profession a student and teacher of the law, including the written law of the Pentateuch, and also “the traditions of the elders.”

The Savior responded with a question: “What is written in the law? how readest thou?” (Luke 10:26.)

The scholar responded, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.” (Luke 10:27.)

Jesus said unto him, “Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.” (Luke 10:28.)

However, the scholar was not satisfied with so simple a response. Luke records that the learned man, “willing to justify himself,” asked a further question of the Lord, “Who is my neighbour?” (Luke 10:29.) And Jesus answered by telling a story:

 

“A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

“And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

“And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

“But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him.

“And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

“And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.” (Luke 10:30–35.)

 

We have all heard this story and we say "sure I can help someone who is in need." But do we really understand the depth of what the savior was teaching?

 

If you look in the bible dictionary under Priest and Levite, you will learn that  the work of the ministering in the sanctuary was assigned to the tribe of Levi. The Levite’s duty was to assist the priests in their religious services. Likewise, the essential responsibility of a priest was to serve as a mediator between his people and God by representing them officially in worship and sacrifice.

These could be likened to Home teachers, Elders Quorum presidents, High priest group leaders, Bishops , stake presidents etc. For us women, you could use the equivalent Visiting teacher, Relief society president and so on.

 

The people of Samaria were a mix of Israelites and Gentiles, and they were hated by the Jews. The Jews  would walk hundreds of miles out of the way just so they did not have to pass through Samaria.

This was a group that society had decided was "less than"

 

I think there is great significance in the saviors choice of Characters in this parable.

 

So if we now re look at this, it was the Bishop or stake president that was too busy to stop and help, the home teacher that moved over to the  other side and walked on by. So who was it to stop and help, going way beyond to make sure this man who hated him and what he stood for , was well cared for?

 You insert what that is for you,...... Black, Gay , Hispanic, uneducated , inactive.

 

 

Let me leave this story for a moment. AS the events in Arizona have played out over the last few weeks regarding the Discrimination bill SB1062, this story has played out in real life for me.

Yes, I must qualify that my son is Gay so this hits very close to home, but I know many, many other LGBT individuals as well, who are laying along the roadside watching, their family members, Home and visiting teachers, Bishops,  Stake presidents, and ward members, wave the flag of Religious freedom, and see them hurting and in despair on the road as they walk on by. Those who in the name of "religion" say it is ok to decide that I should not be given the courtesy to shop where I would like, eat where I would like, purchase a home, buy a car and the list goes on. Talk about being kicked while you are down. Sure they could find businesses who would be willing to allow their patronage, but do you have to do that?

Do you have to worry about that? They are children of God too

 

  This could be about anyone , someone who is depressed, someone who is divorced, or maybe has a spouse in jail, someone who lost their kids to the foster care system, someone with tattoos or  someone who struggles with the word of wisdom. You name it there are many who we would not  normally hang out or associate with. Many who may make us feel awkward or uncomfortable.

 Do you think the Samaritan felt a little uncomfortable?

 

So back to the story....

 

The Savior then asked a further question of the scholar, “Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?” (Luke 10:36.)

The lawyer was caught in his own cunning, but accurately answered, “He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.” (Luke 10:37.)

 

There it is in a nutshell. Very clear and plain. We are to go and do likewise ,  as the Samaritan ,helping those whom society may tell us we are not supposed to like or associate with.

 Our Neighbours.

  We can bind up their spiritual wounds by rendering needed service, or how about an offering  of friendship and supplying the soul-healing balm of genuine brotherly and sisterly love. We can try and help smooth out the bumps in their journey.

We can do as Alma taught  in Mosiah 18:8-9 

 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are ^adesirous to come into the ^bfold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

 9 Yea, and are ^awilling to mourn with those that ^bmourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as ^cwitnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the ^dfirst resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—

The good Samaritan spent the night with his wounded friend and stayed with him until satisfied that he was on his way to recovery. He truly cared about his wellbeing. He was not concerned with his political status,his rights, or what might happen to him in this circumstance, he was just there to show mercy, and I think more importantly Christlike LOVE!

 

I am not perfect at this, but I continue to try. I know many who do not like my opinions or approach, and that is ok, because ultimately the only one I have to answer to is my Heavenly Father and I can honestly say that I have done my best to help those I see along the road.

This is just something that I have learned as I have traveled this journey and opened my understanding to what it really means to be a disciple of Christ. To learn Who my Neighbor is and what my responsibility as a member of his church means.

 

In the end this will bring us life eternal.

What do we need to do to inherit eternal life?   Go and do thou likewise.

 

 

Mountains to climb

This is a post written by my husband Wesley the night we dropped off our 3rd son Kyle at the MTC on Feb 19th.

 

I am extremely proud of My Son, Kyle Stephens. Not just because he has decided to serve a mission. Lots of young men and women serve missions, and that is a great and noble thing, but this goes a little deeper.

When I asked Kyle if he was... nervous this morning, I was a little surprised by his reply, but only for a moment. Kyle said that he was not nervous at all, if anything, he was anxious. Now as I further explain, I want everyone to know that I am well aware of the struggles of many young men and women who have a desire to serve missions but need to do a little “housekeeping” in their moral and emotional Houses. The Church does have a pretty high standard to live up to in order to serve the Lord on a mission. The difference here is that I KNOW Kyle’s story.

When a mistake is made, there are two paths that one can follow. One path will take you down to the depths of despair, anger, indignation and selfish “Not My fault” thinking. This path is one that the adversary wants all mankind to follow so that they may suffer as he does, thinking that there is no hope. The second path is a journey of humility and responsibility, accepting the truths that are there in front of you and owning your actions and accepting the consequences. To journey down this path, one must turn toward the Savior for hope and forgiveness as opposed to turning away from the Savior. One must then Pray to Father in Heaven, who loves us with perfect love, for forgiveness, strength, guidance and peace, and this must be done in the name of Our Savior, Jesus Christ, the very One who has, in fact, already atoned for the sin(s) that we have committed. Kyle chose the path that leads to Happiness; he chose to follow the Savior.

Kyle did these things and through this “Refining Fire”, he has allowed God to shape and forge him into a masterpiece that will help to show the children of God the pathway to truth and happiness. Kyle has become my spiritual Hero.

God has a plan for each of us. God has a plan for Kyle. That plan is in action and is unfolding in front of our eyes. All the while I am feeling like Kyle is getting an unfair shake, Father in Heaven is preparing him for the glorious work that is now, the only focus of Kyle’s attention. In other words, Heavenly Father was blessing Kyle’s life and preparing him for the work of Goodness and Love.

Kyle was not nervous because he KNEW that he was where he was supposed to be. Kyle was Anxious because he knew what he was there to do and was ready to get it done. I Love Kyle and I am so proud that he has CHOSEN to follow the Savior and be an instrument in the Masters Hands.

At Kyles Farewell, he spoke about doing hard things and having mountains to climb.

We all have mountains we have to climb and struggles that sometimes seem insurmountable. The journey here was never meant to be easy, and through those struggles and "climbs" we become stronger . We become who our Heavenly Father wants and needs us to be. AS I look back at my life, I can see those times when I had a mountain to climb that just seemed like I would never get to the top, but I did. Now that doesn't mean there was not another one right behind it, but that one I conquered.

Whether it is the mountain of dealing with 2 special needs children, or trying to reconcile having a gay son and being Mormon, or just trying to keep the house clean, I knew I would have them. I may not have expected that particular climb or how hard it would be, but I knew I would have to climb them. Our saving grace is that we don't have to do it alone.
On Kyles  mission, he will have a companion at all times, physically and spiritually. We too have the companionship of others on our climbs. But more importantly we have the companionship of a very loving Heavenly Father. He can see the top, he will carry us when we just don't think we can take one more step. he is cheering us on, and hoping that we might even be able to get strong enough to help others on those same mountains.