Have you ever really stopped to think about how someone else feels about something?
I mean really?
WE encounter people frequently who seem to be rude , or angry, or sad, or maybe a little strange, and we pass judgement about them and move on. Never pausing to think about what might actually be going on in their life.
Brene' Brown has several books on the subject, but this video will give you a brief but powerful lesson on Empathy
Empathy Fuels connection, while sympathy drives disconnection.
On my Journey of learning I have a gay son, I have learned a lot about empathy. Now I thought I was a pretty empathetic and compassionate person before , but There was so much for me to learn and discover. It really takes practice.
If I just feel bad ( sympathy) that someone feels left out, or picked on,sad, or angry, there is no way for me to connect with them. They do not feel validated or heard. They will never feel as if I
really care.
But when I can try and understand where they are coming from. Try and put myself in their shoes.
WE can find a common ground. I can begin to "FEEL " what they are feeling.
With so much happening in the world right now with racial tensions and people "picking sides " for one thing or another, we can never come to a peaceful understanding.
What I have also learned is that having empathy can be very painful. As I said before I thought I was a pretty compassionate person. I will bring you a meal, send you a card, run some errands whatever you need. Sometimes what they need is just someone to listen. Someone to understand. You don't
have to agree with them, or even completely "get it" to have empathy.
I love this quote by Mother Theresa " if you are judging someone, you have no time to love them"
Now for those who don't know me, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormon as some know it.
When I was baptized I made a promise to take upon my self the name of Jesus Christ.
That I would follow him.
In our scriptures Mosiah 18:9 it makes it very clear what our commitment is.
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—
My responsibility is to be a disciple of Christ. The first and great commandment is to "Love the Lord thy God with all thy hear and in all thy ways acknowledge him." The second is like unto it." Love thy neighbor as thyself."
Who is my Neighbor??
That is the question we must all ask ourselves and then realize that Everyone is our neighbor. The Savior wants us to love everyone. He needs us to look after one another.
To help one another.
Charity is the pure love of Christ.
I think so many people confuse loving and not judging with acceptance or condoning. WE will not always agree with others, we may not understand , but that does not mean we cannot love them or have empathy for them.
It really made me sad when comments after the Pulse night club shooting were said in effect that." Well , look where they were . They deserved it."
So because someone is gay and chose to hangout in a place where they were accepted for who they were, they deserved to be shot?
OR comments after many of the police shootings, "well, they were running away, they had a history of problems with the law "and on and on..
So again because they were not perfect and maybe they were scared and ran away, they deserved to be shot??
Is that what we have come to as a people?
Now I am not here to be controversial . I am not judging the police officers, nor the victims, but can't we try and understand how the families of those who are killed are hurting? They just lost their Father, Son, uncle , brother.
Can we try and understand that most police officers are really just trying to protect and serve? That they are put in situations where they have to make snap judgments of what they think is best and there is no ill intent involved?
Instead of taking a stand on our moral high ground, Can't we just try and find common ground? A human decency to look at them as another human being who is struggling with something right now? Probably more than we could ever imagine.
IT seems as if everyone thinks their opinion is the only one that matters.
That they are right, and any other viewpoint is WRONG
I guess the best part of this should be that we don't have to carry the burden of being the judge in these situations. Our responsibility is to reach and and be understanding of all sides. Try and have a paradigm shift and see it from the other persons point of view.
Listen
Take it in
Try and step into their world for a minute
As a parent, we teach our children and set examples and hope they will follow them, but sometimes they make choices we don't agree with. Sometimes they find themselves in some dark places.
Do we reach out in love to the parents or even the individual?
Or do we say. " well that's too bad. It's their own fault."
" They deserve it"
Another such incident is at the Olympics when Gabby Douglas did not put her hand over her heart at the Medal ceremony. She was crucified all over social media for that.
Why didn't she?
I don't know, but I don't really need to know. I would hope that it is not some disrespect for our country, but ultimately it is her right and choice to do so.
I choose to think that maybe she was a bit overwhelmed having competed in her last Olympics, Having won a gold medal and was just taking it all in .
Meaning no disrespect at all.
To be in the spotlight of millions as you had a moment of contemplation and failed to do a simple act of placing your hand on your heart.
I certainly would not want a camera following my every move. To have every action I took scrutinized by the masses who expect their own version of perfection.
Well guess what ??
None of us are perfect
We all mess up sometimes. We all have had those lapses in judgement when handling a difficult situation.
AS we practice having Empathy for others our hearts will expand. WE will find a greater understanding and love we have not felt before. The down side to that is, that sometimes it can be very painful.
Recently a friend of ours lost their 15 yr old daughter in a fluke incident when she had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic after having her wisdom teeth removed.
The empathy I felt for them was almost unbearable. A friend actually posted a comment that she "felt guilty that she just kept crying" She should not feel guilty. Her empathy for our friend did not negate the feelings of those parents. It just proved that she was truly feeling empathy . WE could put ourselves in her their shoes and "feel the hurt "of losing one of our children.
WE don't need to let it consume us, but if we are truly going to be able to comfort and mourn with others, we need to "feel it"
That Empathy will fuel a connection that can be gained no other way
I am no expert or authority on anything, just a mom who is trying to make the world a little better for her family and those around her.
It makes me sad to see the hatred and mean spirited things that are being done and said to others in the name of "principles" or for any reason.
As a follower of Christ I am certainly not perfect, and I have much to learn, but I do strive to do what he would want me to do. I strive to be a little better. To love a little more, be a little kinder. Each day I have a choice in whom I will emulate and follow.
Im sure there are people out there who wish I would just stop talking about or posting things about LGBT issues .
I won't
I can't
If I can help one person who is traveling that journey not feel isolated and alone, then I have dome what my Savior requires of me. If I can keep one person from taking their life because they can reach out to me and know I will listen and be there for them,
I will have done my job
If I can be there for a mother when she has to bury her child because they just couldn't bear the pain and they took their life,
I will hug her and cry with her and give her all the support and understanding I can.
They are children of God and they deserve the same rights and privileges that we enjoy. They deserve to find love and be loved.
I will be a voice of Hope
There are so many difficult things we must face in this life. Our background and experiences are all different.WE all have different perspectives. Why not try and learn from those ?
Maybe we could all try ..... Just try and give others the benefit of the doubt.
Seek to truly understand where they might be coming from. IF you still disagree with them.
That's ok.
We can still be kind.
We can still show love and empathy.
We can agree to disagree ... Agreeably
Maybe ... Just maybe we will find more peace in our own life.
