The interesting part of life is that we take many different journeys that we may not have expected.
I did not expect to have to deal with 3 deaths in the matter of a year and a half . ( My dad , Step dad , and brother)
I did not expect that I would become involved in foster care let alone adopt 2 children.
I could never have imagined how different our life would be when Aimee and I had that first conversation on our morning walk about adoption. That sparked an interest in me that lead me to foster care. I already had 4 children of my own. It wasn't that I felt the need to adopt.
I just thought" We could bring another child into our home to help them for a while"
Yes I had all those doubts and fears.
Could I do it?
What if I get attached?
How can I give them back?
The impression that this is what we should do was stronger than the fears , so we proceeded. Not sure that Wesley thought it was such a good idea, but he went along for the ride.
Our first placement came in 2003 and boy were we in for a shock . Miss M was 5 and had been involved in the "system" for most of her life. I remember the first time we took her to church with us and they removed the white sheet covering the sacrament table. Miss M loudly exclaimed. "Who died up there"
What had this poor little one seen? What must her life had been like.?
Needless to say that placement was a trial by fire, and we almost decided to hang up our Foster parenting hat. After approx. 6 months they moved her into a therapeutic placement as she never should have been placed in a family with other children.
the Caseworker and therapists who worked on that case apologized for the poor placement, and encouraged us to try again as this was just a rough experience. WE did so..
AS a side note, about 4 months after miss M left our home we received a call from her therapist . She explained that Miss M would be going to Florida to live with her Great aunt and uncle. they asked her if there was anything she wanted to do or anyone she wanted to see before she left, as she would probably never be back. She wanted to come see us and say goodbye.
This gave me great pause as to the impact we can have. This child created so much chaos in our home. I can honestly say I did not really like her very much. I cared about her and wanted her to be safe, but realized that some of these children needed more than I could give them.
Yet in that brief few months she felt something that she had not before . I can't speak for her as to specifically how she felt, but since her Biological mom, grandma, Aunt and Uncle all lived here, and whom she had spent most of the first years of her life with , yet she did not want to see them.
She wanted to see us. We had given her .... love, hope, safety.
I realized what we do matters. I could make a difference for a child whether it was for 2 days 2 months or 2 years.
So we continued on our journey. Ultimately fostering 43 children. 2 of whom we adopted.
We never intended to adopt, but the saying is. IF you foster long enough you will end up adopting.
1 Nephi 17:13 says... And I Will also be your light in the wilderness; and I Will prepare the way before you if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.
This scripture has brought comfort to me many times on my journeys in life. He will lead us where he wants us to go if we let him.
Our 2 new daughters did not come without challenges. One we spent almost a month in the hospital after discovering that the effects of her moms drug abuse had burnt her lungs and caused her intestinal issues. I had people who would say to me .
"Why do you stay at the hospital. It's not even your baby?"Yes, She was my baby. I was all she had. For that specified time I had been called on to be her mom and to be there for her. I could not imagine leaving that tiny little 5 lb baby there all alone.
Was it difficult having 5 other children at home who also needed their mother, Sure.
WE did what we felt was best. Our kids had to step up and help more, they had to look outside themselves and realize they could do something for someone else.
They learned the world did not revolve around them, and that was ok.
In this trial blessings came.
I could see that Heavenly Father led us through what I could never have imagined. I don't know that my other children were grateful at the time, but I think as they get older they can see the blessings too.
Of course the ward was a big help also.
Fast forward a few years , and the challenges began to increase . Children who are born addicted and or exposed to drugs face a whole host of challenges as they grow up. WE were unprepared for the challenges that lie ahead of us. I could never have imagined how much chaos one little child could bring.
Now we had some rough cases and understandably so based on what they had experienced, but these children had been with us for a long time. Miss S since she was almost 10 months old and Miss A we got right from the hospital. They had been in our home for years now.
I had embarked on a journey that would try my patience as nothing else had. I would find myself on my knees pleading for understanding and help.
I had been a parent to over 40 children yet I felt like a failure.
I LOVED Miss S, but I did not really LIKE her some times. "She's so cute" people would say. Yes she is, but you try living with her.
I am sure some of you just think I am a horrible mom for saying that. It is nothing that I have not felt myself.
But having talked to many other foster and adoptive moms , many of us have felt this. It is just the reality. Even in biological families , they are not all perfect.
It's really easy to try and give advice and judge when you don't have to live it.
Everyone's trials come in different forms.
As we continue to work with Psychiatrists , Psychologists, and therapists, we keep trudging along on our journey.
We have highs and lows.
We seek out help.
We know we cannot do this alone.
We don't have to do it alone.
We still have a long way to go in this journey, but the experiences and views we have gained could never have come without us trusting in those promptings and allowing the Lord to lead us on this path.
Is our life different now??
Of course, but I could not imagine not having Miss S and Miss A in our family.
Do I regret it??
NO
I have learned that the Lord is aware and loves ALL of his children.
HE will put people in their path to help them.
HE was their Father before they were mine.
I may not know all the answers, but He does.
I have to try and see them as HE sees them. A precious child of God .
I have to learn more patience and understanding and most of all that HE is in charge and if I turn to him everything will be ok.
As I look at the parallels in these journeys, Foster care and adoption, and having a gay son, they are so similar.
There are highs and lows.
We don't have all the answers, and that is OK.
We just need to trust HIM and follow the promptings that we get.
Allow him to lead us on this journey.
