A different vision

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend Time out for women in St George, Utah. My daughter was also able to go with us  and attend the time out for girls. It was a nice time away and fun bonding time with my mom, sister, daughter in law and a friend.







Kayla was most excited about hearing and meeting Hank Smith and John Bytheway.

 

We even won for the best picture reprentation of the theme .

The theme for the weekend was to Believe and Live HIGHER!
We heard messages about Forgiveness.
To just "let it go"

Matt 11:28 " Come unto me all that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest."

WE have options in this life. WE can choose.
We also learned to "check our assumptions"  That life is not always fair.

Emily Watts relayed her experience with riding a segway. She discovered that you have to "lean forward" in order to get it to move.  WE too must lean forward in order to progress.
Several speakers talked about the "bigger picture"  That we need to trust in the Lord who can see that "bigger picture"

Proverbs 29:18  Where there is no vision, the people perish.

What is our vision? Maybe we need to clean our glasses a bit so we can see a little better.
What is the "big picture"

Prior to our son coming out, we saw things much differently than we do now.We had to take a step back and reevaluate everything we thought we knew.
Another one of the speakers was Merilee Boyack . She started out great, but as she spoke of being "Warrior Women" ( which I think we are)  her topic turned to Tattoos ( my daughter in law has lots of them) and yes, She is from California, Prop 8 and the whole LGBT rights issue.  I found myself getting a little irritated. As she continued on and said we should "speak up for truth", I realized  this is what she feels her truth is, but I have my own. I have gained some truths over the last few years.

As she talked about "DEFENDING THE FAMILY  & PROTECTING CHILDREN"   I could stand and say Yes, I believe that is important too, but not the way she sees it.

Having fostered 43 children over about an 8 1/2 year time period and worked within my community in the child welfare arena, I have seen lots of children and families in crisis. As the president of the Foster care association here I worked quite closely with many families several of whom were gay.

Just this week, another one of my lesbian couples took in an infant from an abusive situation.

 Is their family not important?
Are they not protecting that child?
 Many children are being loved and sheltered and protected from harmful situations caused by "traditional families" . Now I am not here to bash those families, we all make mistakes and struggle, but it just does not seem right to me that we have this "vision " that the "traditional"  mom, dad, two kids and a dog, family is the only one that works. Even better if they are Mormon.right??
Seriously??
There is a huge range of differences in families , cultural, educational, religious, and many others.
Just look at the families in your circle of influence. Some are very outdoorsy and hike , bike,  spend hours at the gym. Some are very tidy. You are afraid to touch anything in their home. You know the ones. Some  think a little dirt never hurt anyone. It doesn't right?...
I know I left my shoes somewhere....
Anyway  ....
What about the over achievers who seem to never sleep and have their kids in 15 activities, attend the temple every month, are always on time for everything, they volunteer in their community and so on and so forth. I think we get the picture . Every family is different. We parent different, we celebrate differently, we look different.   I had a good friend who had twin boys and decided that was good for her. She always felt self conscious because aren't Mormon families supposed to have "lots' of children?
We are supposed to multiply and replenish the earth. There is no set number.
What about those who cannot bear children? 
We need to be less worried about the "details " and just focus on the spirit of what Heavenly Father intended. Do we love others. Do we serve. Do we protect children and bring them up in love and righteousness?   Are we good citizens and are we teaching our children these same values?
Here in Clark County alone we have an average over 300 children a month that come into care. I personally am grateful for all those families and sometimes even individuals who step up on behalf of these children to love them. To care for them. To teach them.To guide them.
 I don't care what their family dynamics are as long as they can provide those things. That is what makes a family. That is the "big picture " right?
I think our Heavenly Father is pleased as well, that  anyone is willing to step in and help another.

One of the scriptures Sis Boyack read was D&C 64:33-34
33 Wherefore, be not ^aweary in ^bwell-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of ^csmall things proceedeth that which is great.

34 Behold, the Lord ^arequireth the ^bheart and a ^cwilling mind; and the willing and ^dobedient shall ^eeat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.

When I read my scriptures, I try to think of
1. Why is this in here?
2. How does this apply to me?

As I reread this later,  it struck me that at this time many of us are laying the foundation of work within the LGBT Mormon community. Sometimes we can feel quite weary, but the Lord is letting us know that our efforts are important. WE need to be willing and obedient to what he is asking us to do and we will be blessed. I think many of us have a much clearer vision of "the Big Picture"
In turn that foundation will bless many others.

The last thing I want to share is D&C 68:6

6 Wherefore, be of good ^acheer, and do not ^bfear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I ^cwas, that I am, and that I am to come.

Our Savior loves us , and just as he went to the pool of Bethesda to help those who needed to be healed, he is there for us as well. We can be of good Cheer. We can hold on to our faith and knowledge that the savior lives and loves us.

Sometimes we just need to clean off our glasses so we can clearly see.

Father forgive them

I read an article this week that really has had a profound effect on me. It was entitled the Saviors last lecture and it can be found here http://www.ldsmag.com/article/1/13506

The author discusses how the savior taught us about forgiveness .Hanging on the cross between two thieves, our Savior spoke in reference to his crucifiers, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

There are many things the Savior could have said in reference to his crucifiers. He could have said, “Father forgive them, for they will pay a price how great they know not.” He could have said, “Father, forgive them, for wrong hast been done unto them.” He could have said simply, “Father, forgive them.” However, in adding the explanation, “for they know not what they do,” The Savior taught us the secret to forgiveness.
She goes on to explain that many times people do not realize the hurt or pain that they cause by their actions. Most people are not trying to ruin our lives or inflict great pain. 

If we can operate on that assumption, we can more easily let go of the pain. 

I heard a quote one time that when we refuse to forgive, it is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The anger and pain can destroy us.

 

As I thought about circumstances in my life where someone  has caused me great pain, I can try and look at that from the standpoint that they may not even realize how badly that hurt. 

 

Now in the case of our son being Gay, we have had a few instances that are VERY painful, as I know some other families have experienced as well. A few people I know have had truly terrible and unchristlike things said about them  or their family member.  

Did they really mean to hurt them or us?

Not having walked in our shoes, do they really know what it is like? 

I think for the most part they probably don't. 

Does this make it all go away? Of course not, but I think maybe this can help some of us find a path to forgiveness for those who just don't understand our journey. 

 

For those who are on the outside watching maybe they can try and get to know our Gay family and Friends. They could try and get to know us and how we feel . Maybe it will give them pause to stop and pray to our Heavenly Father who created us and ask to have more compassion and empathy, ... or at least less judgement. 

As a mother we want to protect our children. We know they aren't perfect, but we love them fiercely and we want the best for them. Wouldn't you parents agree?

 

Imagine having that child now not invited to family functions, or having other family members kept away from them so they don't "rub off on them" . Being told they will "never be happy if they CHOOSE to live like that"  They would be " better off dead". 

To have a church that you have grown up in and loved for your whole life, suddenly have no place for you. Being told that "God does not make Gay people." HMMMM so where did I come from then? 

To be bullied and made fun of. To have people constantly talk behind your back. To face the prospect of living a life alone never having a close relationship with someone, never having children. In some states even being fired from your job just because you are gay.

Can you even try and imagine?   

I am not sure why Heavenly Father gave us this path , but I know that I can take my guidance from him and my Savior. I can bear anothers burdens. I can mourn with those that mourn,  I can Love unconditionally.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes and I think for the most part we are all doing our best. As much as I want to have that forgiveness available for me and my family, I know it is there for all who ask.

My job is to learn to better forgive, even when they  don't even seem to care.